Changes & Catharsis

Changes & Blogging

Oh boy! I really do miss this blogging business. It's so nice to go back and read the memories and thoughts from a year or two ago. Things about Johnny I forgot. Things that made me smile. Or cry. Or laugh. I want to make an honest effort to get back into blogging. I think this whole photo issue has made me unmotivated for blogging, and life has also been hectic. No excuses, though. Photos or no photos, I want to blog again. I want to be able to read back on these blog posts later on and smile at the thoughts and memories I forgot. :) 


There have been a lot of changes lately. CHANGES. Seriously, that deserved all caps and bold font. The last time I blogged we were about to head to Santa Fe for spring break (March). Wow. I really dropped the ball, huh? :) We did end up going to Santa Fe and we had a wonderful week! We all loved Santa Fe! I do have some amazing photos from that trip (with my new camera - a Canon Rebel :)), and I do hope to post them on here (in addition to all the other photos and memorable moments I've missed). I just can't make promises when that will happen. My motivation is that I want to write down what I remember from them. I think that will be the motivation I need. :) I'm just going to assume I'm the only one reading this blog and write accordingly. If anyone else is reading, then great! But I'm definitely primarily blogging for myself. 

Moving & Why I Hate Lightning

So, what's happened since March? We went to Santa Fe, I threw a baby shower for a friend (it turned out really cute! It was a garden tea party with a butterfly theme; photos soon, I hope!), my friend had her beautiful baby girl, a memorable Mother's Day with a friend and our kids (our hubbies had to work), the same good friend moved from Denver a month before we did (it was hard to say goodbye), John finished school, and then we moved in June (back to WA). Moving was one big long crazy process. My parents drove down to Denver to help us move, and John's youngest brother (16) flew from Arizona to also help. We were very grateful for the help. Packing took a long time, cleaning took a long time, moving everything down three flights of stairs into the moving truck took a lot of time (plus kicked our butts). My dad got the stomach flu the day we were moving stuff into the truck, so I felt bad for him. He was miserable. Luckily between John, James (John's brother), and me, along with my mom watching either Johnny upstairs or the open truck downstairs, we got it all done. Unfortunately the move cost way more than we calculated because the estimates for gas mileage from the truck company were WAY off and a bunch of other unexpected costs happened. Not exactly something we could afford when John was no longer working or in school.  John drove the moving truck (a huge one) with the little car on a trailer, while I followed behind in the Landcruiser. Johnny was with me, and James switched back and forth between the moving truck and the Landcruiser.  Instead of spending money on hotel rooms, especially since we'd only be there long enough to crash for a few hours before hitting the road again, we just slept in our cars. James slept in the moving truck and we slept in the Landcruiser, at rest areas along the way. Since it was summer it didn't get too cold at night, and we were able to crash long enough to get rest before hitting the road again. Johnny thought it was a great adventure sleeping in the car! :) It took us three days to get up to WA because the moving truck couldn't go very fast. The important thing is that we made it up here. :)


The really awful thing that happened during the move, though, was that my parents' house was hit by lightning. The lightning caused a lot of damage to their house (only three year old house). They got the call the morning of the day we left Denver. They ended up leaving as soon as they got the call from the police department (the security box was blown from the wall and the fire department kicked down the door), instead of leaving when we did. The cleaning of the apartment took a lot longer with just us, so we didn't get out of Denver until the late afternoon. My parents drove straight through to WA. The house was okay in the end (thank God), but had quite a bit of damage. The lightning put holes through their bedroom ceiling along with the ceiling of the room we were about to move into (right above where our bed would be, too). Luckily, nobody was home. My parents were in Denver, we hadn't moved just yet, and my brother had just left for work after being called in early (he was sleeping in the room we moved into). It was early in the morning when it hit. Apparently it was a huge blue bolt of lightning that people across town saw, heard, and felt. A neighbor walking to his car next door was knocked to his feet and looked up to see splinters of wood flying everywhere. The lightning traveled through all of the electrical wiring destroying electronics, the sprinkler system of the entire neighborhood, and creating holes in the roof, cracks, splintered wood, scorch marks, etc. The door was kicked in. It was a nightmare, but it could have been worse. They could have lost their home. They could have been hurt. Any of us could have been hurt if we'd been there. Thanks be to God that none of that happened.


So, when we finally arrived in WA, we ended up staying in a hotel for a week (the house was without electricity or water and had a possible gas leak). Luckily my parents' insurance company covered the hotel costs for them and us (since we were in the process of moving in with them) and some food stipends. It didn't cover a lot of food costs, though. However, there were also a lot of other unexpected costs that came up because we had to live in a hotel room. It wasn't ideal (and admittedly, very stressful for many reasons), but we were just thankful we had somewhere to sleep and everything was okay. :) We ended up back in the house a week later, though we're still dealing with repairs to the house (it's the end of August...the lightning struck the third week of June). We just recently had the holes in the roof fixed, the walls fixed and painted, and most of the electrical rewiring done. Now we're still waiting for the electronics to be repaired or to get the money to reimburse, and for the door to be replaced (it's still usable, but it is dented and beat up). We'll all be thankful when this whole exhausting freak incident is over. 

Welcome to Limbo

Everything surrounding the move and the lightning has been a main focus lately, but lots of other things have happened, too. For one, we're living with my parents temporarily. Not sure when we'll be moving out, but we're hoping soon. It's hard for a family to move back in with their parents, especially when we love our independence. We're very grateful for the place to live, and we love being back with family after two years of living in Denver, but it can be hard, too. For everyone involved. I think the hardest part for us is the very drastic change in diet at my parents' house. Unfortunately we're still struggling to our feet financially, so we very thankful for my parents, because it is a tremendous help. We are able to supplement with some food, but mainly subsist on the same meals as my parents. It's been very hard on our bodies and it makes us feel even more constrained. Don't get us wrong, though: we're very grateful! It's just a drastic change, and it can be hard. Especially with so many other stresses, food can be the hardest to handle. So no misunderstandings, please. :) We're praying that John can get a job that pays enough for us to move out soon, and get back on our feet. In the meantime, though, we're immensely thankful for everything our family has helped us with and continue to help us with. We'd be in a very sorry state without them. 


Right now we're sort of in limbo and trying to recover.  We don't really feel like we've landed or that we fit in anywhere yet. It's hard to make WA feel like 'home' again when we're still in limbo. I mean, we've always considered WA home, since we grew up here and our families are here, but it's been two long years. We made a home in Denver. Sure, it wasn't exactly where we wanted to live forever, but it was our home. We made good friends there, we made our apartment cozy and ours, we spent two years of Johnny's life raising him there (that's half of his life!), we spent two years of our five years of marriage there, we learned a lot about the world/independence/ourselves, we saw a lot of new things (some we loved, some we didn't, but it was new), etc. A lot happened in Denver. We changed in Denver. Sure, some things weren't that great about it, and we missed our families a lot. But there were a lot of great things about living there, too. A lot of great memories. We actually do miss it. I think some of that nostalgia will go away when we're finally able to have our own place again. Some place to make our home. You know?


It's crazy to look back at the first couple of posts I wrote on here when we first moved to Denver...how I felt 'in limbo' and like I'd never feel at home in Denver. But I did. (And ironically, now I'm in the same state back in WA.) Sure sometimes I really was homesick for WA or my family, but I really did learn to love Denver. We really did make a home there. When we first moved to Denver - for a long while, actually - whenever I said 'home' I meant WA and I couldn't get myself to think of Denver as anything more than a temporary landing space. Somewhere along the way (I don't really know when, but probably that first spring when I started to make really good friends and get busy), Denver became 'home'. Or at least both Denver and WA became 'home' at the same time. But Denver became 'home home'. Does that make sense? I guess it was at some point after we'd been there a while. Maybe after the second or third trip to WA to visit family...when we got home to Denver after a long vacation and a long drive. We'd  walk in the door and we'd say "It's so good to be home! Loved seeing the family, but it's good to be home to unwind and get back to our normal routines." I guess it just goes to show you that home really isn't just a place or where you grew up, but where your heart is, where your life is, and where your little family is together. For two years, that was Denver for us. I will forever hold those two years in my heart. 


Sure, a lot of those two years were hard (John was hardly ever home, we were living on a very small college student budget, we were far from family, couldn't afford to travel that often, etc.), but a lot of it was good. Even the hard stuff. I guess that's what growing up is about. :) We were adults for a long time when we moved to Denver...we'd been married three years, we had a two year old, we'd lived on our own, we were college graduates...but moving to Denver really made us adults. It made us truly independent. It showed us what our little family was made of, and how strong we can be. It showed us what was important to us and it taught us a lot about ourselves. It guided us to certain paths. It roughed us up a bit. It brought really wonderful people into our lives. It made us appreciate where we grew up and the importance of family. It made us learn how to take care of ourselves...like really take care of ourselves. It made us brave enough to get to know new friends; to start over in a new scary (big city!) place. It pushed us to see new things and to rely on each other. It gave us a different perspective, which meant we could never fit into the same perspective we had when we left WA. It gave me two years with my husband and my son that wasn't interrupted all the time by family events or the hustle and bustle of life. We really got to live together and enjoy each other. I will always cherish those years and memories with Johnny. And with John. We made sacrifices; some hard, but almost all of them were worth it. We learned to have a deeper faith in God. We learned our love of cooking. We learned the art of date nights (even if they were at home and didn't cost a dime - in fact that was often preferred) and the appreciation of quality time over the quantity of time.  I'd say the value of time, especially time spent together was our biggest lesson. We learned the art of living in a small space and on a small budget, and it has changed our mindset forever. We learned what each of us were made of and who we are in our hardest moments. We learned a lot in Denver. 



For all of it, I'm thankful. It was all worth it, and I would do it all over again.  Many times we questioned the sanity of moving there and putting ourselves through what we did, but it ended up being the best for us. It felt right. We didn't realize it at the time, but God knew what He was doing. He led us down a path that made us stronger. That God is a smart one. Imagine that. ;) 


We're happy to be back in WA. All of the familiar places and people! But not as familiar as we remember. A lot changes in two years. We changed a lot, and so did our perspectives. We still love WA, but it's a different WA we love now than we loved then. I hope that makes sense. :) We're still getting to know this new WA. We're still a little in limbo. I'm excited to see how this all works out when we're finally settled in! Family members have changed, we've changed, friends have moved or are moving, etc. The really hilarious and ironic thing is that for a lot of the time in Denver we missed WA because of our friends and familiar places, but then when we moved back we left behind many really close friends and familiar loved places. We came back here to WA and people have changed, people have moved, and most of who is left are moving soon. Even the 'familiar' places aren't quite as familiar anymore. So much has changed. It is almost as if we're in someplace new having to readjust again. At least we have family here. We're not completely alone. :) It's just interesting trying to wedge out our place in the family dynamics again when we've been largely absent for the past two years. It's kind of strange. Like trying to fit into a pair of jeans you wore a long time ago (like pre-baby ;)). They mostly fit (if you're lucky) but your body has changed too. They don't feel the same as they used to feel. It's not bad, but it's different. Some areas of the jean fit a lot differently (if we're carrying on the metaphor, it would be the butt for me ;)). It's like they're a whole new pair of jeans and you're trying to fill them in the same way. However, you can't fill them in that same way. The jeans or other people may expect you to fill them in the same way, but you can't. So the jeans, the other people, and you all have to get used to this idea that you still fill them in, but in a slightly (or majorly) different way. It's not the same. Not bad; just different. A lot of adjustments. A lot of change.


Look at me getting all philosophical. ;) (Must be the philosophy minor in me! Haha)

What have we been up to?

Soooo....that was my long-winded way of saying WE'RE BACK IN WA!! :) I postponed graduate school until next fall (that's the plan right now), because our little family desperately needed a break from the hectic nature of college (one of us, if not both of us, have been in college at any given time, the entire length of our marriage). It was getting crazy. Plus we didn't think it would be financially smart to jump from one precarious student income life to some other precarious student income life in some unknown area (with potentially more expensive cost of living). I guess it didn't really matter, since we ended up here with a hard time financially and a hard time with the job market (well, hello recession!) anyway. But it still feels like it was a smart move to postpone for just a bit. I was getting overwhelmed with the whole idea of jumping right back into graduate school after two years as a stay-at-home mom. I know what I want to do for my graduate studies, but I just needed time to figure out the best way to get it done without sacrificing my family in the process. :) 


John and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary this July. Wow! I can't believe we reached five years already. :) I'm so blessed to be on this journey of life with my best friend and soul mate. We've had our ups and downs, but we're all the more strong for all of it. :) 


 The other major event that happened in July is that our precious little baby boy - the sunshine in our lives - turned FOUR at the end of July!! Those four years flew by so quickly! I'm trying hard not to dwell on how fast it is going. I miss all of the baby years, but the little boy he is now is really awesome too. :) I'm so proud of who he is and who he's becoming! Four is going to be an awesome year! It's already been pretty freaking amazing the past month! He's learning so much and growing up. It's such a fun age. :) He's still super sweet and cuddly (a mama's boy), but also really independent and talkative. Learning new things every day. His personality is becoming stronger and more discernible...he's so happy, energetic, imaginative, creative, smart, sweet, independent, cuddly, and playful. Sometimes he's bossy or grumpy, but it's pretty cute (but don't tell him that ;)). He thinks he's a dinosaur, loves books (his current favorite is Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? or any that have dinosaurs in them), walks around showing off his ABC's/123's/animal names & sounds. He's always acting out something or smiling or singing. He loves to be on the go all the time, give kisses, twirl his curls, and eat bananas. He still totes around Gator and Pookie (his lovies). He dances on a whim, looks like his mama's mini-me (just more handsome), and is definitely the epitome of sunshine (which incidentally is his favorite song: 'You Are My Sunshine'). He's a geek like his daddy and loves babies. He pretends to be Swiper from Dora the Explorer, which puts mommy and daddy into a fit of giggles. :) He calls things beautiful all the time (especially mama), and treats fragile things with surprising gentleness and love (butterflies, babies, etc.). All while he can still wrestle and pretend devour things like a dinosaur. He's such a boy, but with a tender heart. :) He loves to say prayers and say the sign of the cross. His voice is so adorable! I seriously love him to pieces, and so does John. He gets so excited when he sees family members or friends! He's so much more grown up, but with a fun spirit. He can sit through mass quietly (most of the time). He does so much by himself. He reads books to us (not really, but his memory is great, and he's probably close to reading). God blessed us with a really awesome little guy. I seriously can't say enough great things about him! I hope I always remember how he was at this age. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. :)


Other things that have happened in short (since this is already a novel), but in no particular order:


We had a Star Wars birthday party for Johnny in mid-August (John had to have time to take the day off) and Johnny had a blast! I will post photos when I get a chance, because it was really awesome. :) Our little geek-let loved it! As did his daddy! I'm glad, because I put a lot of hard work into the party. It was hard since I was babysitting (see below) while trying to get all of the crafts done for the party. It made for some exhausting days (I'm usually exhausted from babysitting anyway). I love to throw parties and do crafty stuff, though, so it all turned out and I enjoyed it. :)


John officially graduated this month! He should be getting his diploma in the mail in the next few weeks. :) We're so proud of him and all of his hard work!  I will be hosting a graduation party for him sometime in the next few weeks. I think he deserves to have a party to celebrate all of his hard work, especially since it has all been kind of swept aside with the move and all of the family chaos. He's a great guy and he deserves some recognition! :)


My best friend, Katherine, (Johnny's godmother) is getting married one week from today. :) We're so very excited for her! She got engaged in Peru (I know, right?! Freaking amazing!!!) to her Air Force pilot in April! :) The date was originally set for sometime summer 2012 (I was excited to save up and go), but then in July it was moved way up to September 3rd of this year. I'm glad they moved it up, because it will be amazing for them to begin their journey as husband and wife that much sooner. :) Unfortunately, since we just went through a major change in our lives, are still in the process of picking up financial pieces, it was very short notice, and the wedding is occurring three thousand miles away in South Carolina, we are unable to make it to the nuptials. This has been really hard for me, since Katherine is my best girl friend. We were best friends all through school, she was my maid of honor, she's Johnny's godmother, and we still see each other as often as we can. I so wanted to be there on her wedding day, but it just was impossible. It's also hard because she lives three thousand miles away and sometimes it seems like it's not easy to maintain the same closeness. I have faith that God had a reason for me not being there on her special day, even if it's hard to understand right now. For sure my heart and prayers will be with my best girlfriend and her husband-to-be on their wedding day. Even from three thousand miles away! I'm so excited for them and the important step they're making in life. :)


After a month of prayers and John putting in applications everywhere (it seemed that way), he was blessed with a job at a local grocery store. He's worked at grocery stores a lot. He's not really a fan and it's hard to go from Whole Foods (a natural foods chain store in Denver, but is not near us in WA) to a local store that is not a natural foods store. Especially when we're so passionate about natural/organic/environmentally-conscious living. It doesn't pay much at all, and we still struggle, but it's a job. We're very thankful for the employment though, especially during a time when it's difficult for a great deal of people to find jobs! :) He has still been putting in applications at various places (nonprofits, state jobs, etc.) in the hopes that he will get hired, but so far he's had one interview and he wasn't hired for that job. He was very qualified, but there was someone there with more experience, unfortunately (great for them, though!:)). I know that sometimes he gets discouraged, especially since we are trying to get back on our feet and pay the bills (including student loans...ouch. Even with lots of scholarships, still: ouch). I think he questions getting a Master's degree, too, when he is only hired at a grocery store. Even though we both know that his Master's degree was very important for many reasons. I know it was the right move in our life, and I'm confident everything will work out in the end. I just think the job market is not great right now, and jobs are hard to get and very competitive.  It makes me sad to see him discouraged, but I'm proud of him for persevering and continuing to put himself out there and having faith that God will take him where he needs to go. :) If any of you are the praying kind, and if anyone is actually reading this (or this far down), a prayer or two his way wouldn't hurt and would be much appreciated. Thank you. :)


I actually have a job right now, too. I wasn't job searching, because I'm home with Johnny. We couldn't afford to do daycare (I'm not hip on the idea of daycare again anyway), and honestly with the job market the way it is, I was looking at a minimum wage job anyway. If I was lucky. However, I was sitting in mass one Sunday and our pastor asked if anyone was free to babysit a baby for a fellow parishioner. She's a single mom with a baby, and had just gotten a job that would require her to need a babysitter from 4am to 2pm Tuesday through Saturday (very early & a lot of hours, I know) temporarily (a 24 hr daycare is opening sometime soon and she's reserved a spot). I took the job (nobody else really wanted to do it because either 1) they already had a job or 2) the hours) and I've been doing it since mid-July. It doesn't pay much at all (like, less than $3 an hour), but it's money that helps toward bills. Especially since I started a little before John started working. It's perfect because I can still stay home with Johnny while I work, too. It's not great getting up that early and working that many hours, but I push through with God's grace. Some days are really hard and sometimes it is hard to appreciate it (example: screaming baby at 4 am. For hours and hours). Most of the time, though, it's not that bad. I miss independence with Johnny (and sleep, ha ha), but it's not that bad. The only downside is that I'm doing it during a high stress time in my life, which makes me more irritable and exhausted with the demands of the job.  The baby was 5 months old when I started and she's 6 1/2 months now. She's in the starting to crawl stage, which means I have my hands a bit more full than in the beginning. The thing I never anticipated was how well Johnny would react to it all: he's an amazing helper! He loves the baby so much and is so protective of her (even to the point of not liking it when her mommy comes to pick her up and telling her she's 'naughty' for taking the baby...it's pretty funny/cute). He patiently picks up toys for her when she drops them, puts up with her drool (that really grosses him out), endures her screaming (even when it makes him feel uneasy or tired), shares her with his mommy, and gives her kisses on top of her head throughout the day. He will be such a good big brother someday. Whenever God blesses us with another little baby. :) He reminds me to not get so frustrated when the baby is fussy or demanding (usually while I'm functioning on very little sleep). It's hard to get used to that sort of living again anyway, but especially when it's not your baby. God is teaching me a lot through this experience, as well as helping me to supplement our little family's income. I'm grateful. :) I'm also grateful it's temporary, because I do miss my independence and sleep. I just hope that John has some luck with a new job or we're able to make ourselves more financially secure before this babysitting job ends. Which will be soon, I think. We're just having faith that it will all work out. God can do impossible things, and we can do impossible things through Him. :)


There's been all sorts of crazy family drama on both sides. Nothing I'll go into on a blog, especially to protect the privacy of others. Let's just suffice it to say that I'll be happy when things settle down. I'm not much for drama. A lot of it is really crazy and even though we're not involved in it, it still puts us in the middle or puts stress on us. We were kind of isolated from all the drama in Denver, I think.  It's sort of a 'culture' shock for us! ;) 


I've been trying to get together for coffee dates with friends or playdates with friends and kids, but it's been kind of hard with our two work schedules. John works crazy hours, I work crazy hours (usually opposite), and for a period of time in the last month we were a one car family because of a broken starter in the Landcruiser. (Thankfully that's fixed now! Though it was more money down the drain.) We hope to be a one car family again someday, but on our own terms. And when we don't live in the middle of nowhere, and one of us has to take the one car to work at all hours of the day leaving the other one stranded. I have met with one friend for a coffee date (who is sadly moving to CA this month, which was unexpected news) and one playdate with a friend and her daughter. :) I wish I've had more time this summer to do others, but maybe next month? Sadly, after this last friend moves, I'll only have a couple of friends left here. Most of my friends moved away while we were in Denver. It's kind of sad to come back here and have to make friends all over again. Especially when I left such close friends behind in Denver. I miss them a lot. :( Last summer was filled with all sorts of crazy fun playdates. I will cherish those memories forever! I'm so grateful for the wonderful friends I made in Denver! :) I miss all of my friends who have moved away from WA, too. :( I'm looking forward to whatever wonderful friends are in my future! :)


Summer kind of flew by this year. It was chaotic and busy. I never really got to enjoy it as summer. We never went camping (we haven't been since Johnny was 9 months old and I was really hoping to go this summer since Johnny would love it...*sigh*) because of work/no money/no reliable car, etc. If I could change one thing about this summer that would be it. I didn't really get to go to any yard sales either...except for my cousins' yard sale (they're moving to Japan) where we got a dehydrator for $1! That's been on our wish list for years. :) I'm excited to make some yummy dehydrated fruit and jerky! 


I'll be starting home preschool with Johnny this fall. I was hoping to start in September, but that might depend on when babysitting ends, since I'm not sure about that right now. I'm still gathering supplies and making lesson plans anyway. I'm really excited though. We're going to learn so much this year! :) 


Other than those things, nothing else has really been going on that is that significant (in comparison). My back was doing better for a while, but then from right before the move (packing a lot) until now, it has been a downward spiral. It's my fault, really. Well, mostly. I haven't kept up with my PT exercises, and I'm paying for it. I have a bunch of excuses, but really those exercises should be a priority. It's just hard to find motivation when I'm so exhausted from no sleep, babysitting 50 hours a week, the stress of a lot of different things, etc. Plus, we're still sleeping on an air mattress two months after moving here. Our room was finally fixed last week, and we haven't had a chance yet to get our bed and other things out of storage (we don't have a truck, so we are dependent on others). So we've been living on a leaky air mattress (not good for the back, trust me) and out of a suitcase. When I packed for moving, I labeled boxes 'Take With' or 'Storage' because we were under the impression we'd be moving right in. Well, the lightning screwed all of that up. We ended up putting everything in storage and it was a hurried situation so none of it was organized when it went into the huge storage unit (which is costing us a lot more each month than we thought it was going to, since we had to get a much larger one...), so I've been unable to have access to a lot of important things that I needed for Johnny's birthday party or just day-to-day living. *sigh* I'm really, really hoping we can get settled into our room this week, because it has been a long two months. I'm really tired. And my back wants some comfort (not that our bed mattresses are that comfy...just better than an air mattress). I hope we can find a time when we're both free and someone with a truck is free (it hasn't been the case so far). It will happen eventually. My brother is moving back into my parents' house too (full house!) so maybe we'll sneak our items in with his stuff as he moves it in. :) So, yeah, I'm hoping my back will feel better soon, I'll feel motivated enough to do my exercises regularly, and we'll have health insurance soon so I can go to a physical therapist. I know that will all work out as well. :) I just feel like my back and my shoulders are always tense and sore...I need a good massage or spa day! ;)


Everything else really quickly: My brother has a new girlfriend; she seems nice. We've started playing Dungeons & Dragons with my parents, brother, and other various family members/friends. Yes, we're geeks, and we love it. :) Johnny loves the library and we've been trying to visit the library as often as we can (which sadly, isn't that often). Someone John interned with in Denver passed away a couple weeks ago after a long battle with cancer (which made us really sad). The last Harry Potter movie was awesome! Not as good as the books, but still awesome. :) We thought we were pregnant at one point when we first moved here (it really seemed that way), but it ended up not being reality. I'm not sure if we were never pregnant or if something happened, but I try not to think about it. It made us sad, since we want to have another baby and we were really preparing for it to be real. But we're just praying and hoping that God will bless us with another one soon. That's actually the first time I've said that out loud (even written) to anybody but John. So, if you're close to me and reading this, please know that I don't really want to talk about it, especially since we don't even know if it was anything. Just leave it at that. I'm saying it, but I don't want to talk about it. I am confident it will all work out someday, though. God knows what He is doing. If you want to help, then just offer up some prayers. Thanks for understanding. :) I'm reading "The Phantom Tollbooth" with Johnny right now and he loves it! It makes me happy because it was one of my favorite children's chapter books. :) If you haven't read it yet, then go do it! Other than that, I have books I want to read and crafts I want to learn or do. Just life. :)

Loving Life & Catharsis

After scanning this blog post, it may seem like I'm trying to moan and complain about life. But really, I love life. :) I'm very grateful for everything God has given me and continues to give me. I know that I'm in a good place right now. Sure, there are a lot of stresses going on right now for us, but I'm sure they'll all work out soon. I'm keeping the faith. :) So please don't read this (if you've actually managed to hang on this long with this novel, ha ha) and think I'm trying to complain. I guess I just haven't really had anyone to talk to lately except John (who is going through the same things) and needed to decompress. Plus, I want to remember my thoughts and experiences when I read back on my blog later. The good, the bad, and the ugly. This is my life right now. The good, the bad and the super cute (that would be Johnny). All of it is shaping who I am and who I'm becoming. God wouldn't bring me to it if He couldn't bring me through it. :) 


"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." - Eleanor Roosevelt


That's my mantra lately. I feel isolated a little bit lately and a lot of stress is building up, but I have my health for the most part, and a wonderful little family. :) We have a source of income - no matter how small. We have our faith. We're happy. We have so much to be thankful for, and so much more than so many people in this world. That's really all I can ask for right now. Really. We're just taking life one day at a time right now. :) Someday we'll have our little homestead and a bunch of babies running around. Someday. :) 


I hope you all are caught up on everything from the past however many months. I hope to blog more often (which means shorter blog posts, ha ha). If you actually read this far, you deserve a medal. :) It was mainly a source of catharsis for me, I guess. And a way to remember this period in the future. Hopefully I'll have photos soon for all those looking for something more interesting and less 'wordy'. ;) 


God Bless,
Jess


P.S. Johnny still has not had his first haircut. He has his beautiful curls, and we love them. We have no plans to cut his hair in the near future. Yes, we have lots of people pressuring us to do so, but ultimately it's our decision. ;)